New Blanket Blocks Farts In Bed - Let 'em Rip

The Better Marriage Blanket is a new blanket that traps and kills fart smells so your spouse or trick will not be revolted by your rotting asshole; unless their head is under the blanket, in which case they will suffocate and die instantly.

It uses the same technology that the military uses to protect against chemical weapons.

I share a bed with my roommate (yea, I know) and let me tell you, sometimes I think a chemical weapon was released right there in my room. The smell of a rotting fetus that has been left in the hot sun for several days, seeping up from under the covers if enough to make me go in the other room and watch Hannah Montana .

It also makes a great anniversary gift, if you're married to a 300 pound monster who can't go a night without gassing you out.