My Kind of Diet

I was at an after-party last night and the girls whose house it was had this dry erase board in their kitchen, outlining their Vegas Diet 2012 plan. This is one diet that I can get down with.

STOP

The following is a sign at the entrance to a Las Vegas gym:

Thanks to Justin McCoy for the pic and for his beautiful body

Totally Appropriate Gym Attire - Part DUCE!

This guy walks around the gym in literally skin-tight woman's panties, or whatever the hell you want to call this mess. He is obviously trying to show of his “goodies,” but I would more appropriately refer to it as “lack-there-of goodies.”

Horrifyingly enough, I actually had a dream about this weirdo earlier this week. This nightmare involved me getting a new, uber cool job and this piece of work was my new boss. I therefor had to pretend that I did not recognize him and was also not repulsed by his very existence. Eesh!

Hardly Aerobically Effective

Look at this asshole who SLEPT on a mat on the gym floor during the entire duration of my workout.

Totally Appropriate Gym Attire

This is one of many flaming homosexuals at my gym who wears women's athletic apparel daily -- and it's revolting. They wear the smallest, tightest booty-shorts imaginable and it really is a sight not to be seen. All is exposed - butt, penis, balls, chode. Eesh. Alas, here is a shot for you to enjoy. So enjoy and try not to loose your dinner!

Way to Pack Accordingly For The Gym

At the gym today, I opened a locker in the locker room, only to find it already full of contents. Two of said contents include a smut mag and a bottle of sex lube.

clASSy. Just what every athlete brings to the gym, you cum-hungry, dick pig.

It's Pat!

I was with my trainer at the gym the other day and one of the other trainers came up to us with a delightful surprise -- he was training a real life version of the androgynous SNL character, Pat!

Well, not so delightful for him because she apparently reeked and was crying. Literally, she was crying. Apparently she cries in every session, not because she's fat (she is), but because she is so messed up. She even warned the trainer the first day saying, "Just to let you know, I will probably cry every time I'm with you, but it's okay."

How awful!

Lunch Is Served

Just got home from being physically (and often times verbally and sexually) assaulted by my trainer. I stopped to pick up a few essentials and lunch is served! Yumm.

Here is a text convo with David, my trainer:

David- "What are we working on today son?"

Me- "I don't care."

David- "That's the spirt... I was thinking kankles and wrists today. Lookin a little flabby I noticed."

Me- "Well... I don't know about that. But thanks for your support. Really appreciate it."

This Just In...

As I was leaving the gym, I overheard a guy saying "... he would have hit me in the head with his dick!"

How To: Gain Weight

This was posted at my gym and for your personal information, I thought I should post. Hint, hint.

Have a good night. Oh, and you look great too. Don't worry.