Top 10 Signs That You Are a Shitty / Crummy Faggot

Sophia Lamar is one of my favorite ladies of all time. I was first introduced to her amazingness via Johnny McGovern's podcast, Gay Pimpin' with Johnny Mcgovern. They even had a segment for a while called, "What Sophia Lamar Hates." Sophia is a tranny / fashionista / nightlife and NYC icon.

One thing that she, and I as well, really hates are shitty and or crummy faggots. Below you can find the descriptions she listed on the Gay Pimpin podcast. Go take a look and see how many categories you fall into - I'll bet you are a real crummy/shitty faggot.

Lastly, always be aware that Sophia is picking at you!

Sophia Lamar's Top 10 Signs That You Are a Shitty Faggot:

10) You suck dick for meth or coke

9) Your bedazzled t-shirt is 10 times too small for you

8) You have gel in your hair

7) You have a tribal tattoo

6) You wear eye makeup

5) You haircut is asymmetric

4) Your nipples and your eyebrows are pierced

3) You still think that mohawks are cool

2) You're dating a “blatino”

and

1) YOU'RE NOT WEARING A SHIRT RIGHT NOW!

Sophia Lamar's Top 10 Reasons You Might Be a Crummy Faggot:

10) You're wearing flip flops

9) You ask for a drink ticket

8) You have highlights

7) You have a Christina Aguilera ringtone

6) You are so tan that you are orange

5) You are an escort

4) You think that the Gotti boys are fashion icons

3) You haven't slept in 4 days

2) You wax your asshole

and

1) YOU WEAR A T-SHIRT WITH A TIE!

Olympians Are WHORES!

Photoshop Fail

How horeebs. Check out his blurred tooled out stomach. 

I Can't...

Always Practice Safe Sex!

Kiki Makeup Tutorial

Liar, Liar

Pants On Fire. We can see that small penis. Oopsies!

via gravy holocaust 

There Is A New Announcement

You're basic.

If I were a parent (and thank THE LORD I am not), I would never allow my pre-teens to use a webcam and put videos of themselves on YouTube. Because shit like this happens. Hilarious yes, but his poor father must be dying inside.

I'm only 28 years young, but when I was growing up, webcams did not exist - and thank God, because who knows what I would have done. I remember being about 14 and at a sleepover, and we put our dicks inside the scanner and scanned them.

Power Bottom Here For Networking, Shopping and Celeb Dish

Ladies and Gentlemen... Pej.

Pej is a lady of the night that I see out every time I go out to the clubs, and every time he comes up to me and asks, "Matthew Robert! Social Intercourse! When am I gonna be on your bleg?" Well here you go, Pej. You asked for it.

98% of Pej's Facebook pictures feature him, head tilted to the left, chin up, with duckface. The other 2% of pictures feature him in his underwear. Trust me, the above collage took all of four minutes -- the abundance of these head-tilted-duckface pics are all over his Faceplace.

Pej, I don't know why you only post pics of you in this one pose. You have a great right AND left side of your head -- SHOW US! Otherwise you're just going to look like an asshole who takes the exact same picture over and over.

I hope you enjoy this post, Pej, because I sure don't. (haha jk boo!)

How Depressing

Hey socialites: check out this uber depressing e-mail I just received from one of my "friends." We don't really see each other that much anymore because he apparently has a lot going for him (see below) and quite frankly, that's ok with me.

"hi matt, hope uve been good.
i recently lost the will to do anything, kinda got stuck in a routine seeing (my boyfriend) and going home after work, cooking, playing the piano and going to bed. dunno... its hard to break that routine for me now."

If I ever say something like this, I give you all permission to take turns killing me. Thank you.

A Ladies Guide to Gentlemen Chats

A few days ago, I posted an ANGRY, ANGRY e-mail one of my friends received on a gentlemen chat. Today, bestie Brandon Rolph and I bring you a dramatic reading of that e-mail along with a very special surprise appearance from Miley Cyrus!

J/O On Rails

This Craigslist M4M ad really caught my attention because I:

1) Love to j/o and luckily, I fall into this guy's wide age range of 25-70 (Thank God!)

2) Really enjoy model trains, but what I love even MORE would be stomping around on them like a monster after I get off on them

3) And I LOVE imitation crab meat and would really help myself to a shit load

See you soon, handsome.

I don't wanna see that!

Introducing... The Most Boring Gay in The World!

Recently, my BFF Shane Ashton received a Facebook friend request from some random gay from up in the middle of Nowheresville, Wisconsin. Like literally, this guy lives in the middle of nowhere. Probably a town of 300 people and likely, no other gay people.

Thankfully, Shane had me look at his Facebook page because he posts the most unintentionally hilarious status updates.

Every one of his status updates details how boring of a life he lives. I..... can't get enough. It's just so pathetic and sad. I just wanna scream at him and shake him, "WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR BORING LIFE?! GET THE FEK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!!!!!"

Please enjoy a few of the best-worst status updates below and thank God that you don't like a life this boring!

• GOING TO BE A LONG BORING WEEKEND HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS THEM SELFS!!!

• well thinking have a cook out and watch movies alone again like last weekend....lmao fun fun\n FML

• OF COURSE ITS GOING TOBE BEAUTIFUL OUT WHEN YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO!!!

• OMG...Sitting in my house on a saturday rearranging plants, all alone. how lame am I....!!!

• ANOTHER BORING NIGHT AT HOME!! DRINK ONE FOR ME ALL!!!

• LMAO THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL HOMELAND SECURITY: WHEN YOU SIT AT SOMEONES HOUSE AND DO THE SAME THING EVERY WEEKEND! BORING........

• BOOOORRRRRING

• im so bored with this life whens the next one start! lol

• MY LIFE BE LIKE BOOOOORRRRRING!!!!!

LOL ok, this guy seriously could post more exciting posts, even if they are lies, but it seems as though he wants people to feel sorry for him. Eesh! Sorry about it.

Real-Life "SAW" Meets Hairy Ass

Omfg. Last night at Mickeys was Hot Rod night, which is a night for leather and bondage freaks to come out to play - so naturally, we went.

Check out these assholes, below. The one guy in the ass-less chaps attached clothespins ALL over the masked guy's body. And I mean EVERYWHERE. His nipples, his side fat, his chode - everywhere.

It was like watching a real-life SAW film, but with hairy ass.

Danimal Likes It

What happens on a Sunday night at Mickeys in Weho? Danimal el Animal finger blasts his favorite stripper infront of an entire club. REAL CLASSY!!!!

He also forcibly inserted dollar bills into said stripper's asshole.

AMAZING Facebook Fight

Quote 'O The Day

"If you say you have a nine inch dick but it curves Down and it's ugly and you can't stick it inside anything cause of the odd shape, then it doesn't count."

Thanks Austin Cunningham, you're magical!

BROS WITH PHONES - Really?

The next great smutty gay sex whore website is here, BrosWithPhones.com. NSFW, but the sext best thing.

The Ballad of Tiger Lilly

She loved to roam.