Text From A Friend

"I just went to the bathroom in a public stall, and in the toilet was a bloody tampon resting on a thick loaf of feces."

Text From a Friend

"This morning I woke up absolutely trashed. Soon later, I discovered I put my contacts in the case with no solution, there was a half empty cocktail next to my bed & a roll of duct tape in the middle of the kitchen floor. #WINNING"

Text From a Friend

"In bed. I was taken home early by the po po."

Text From a Friend

Saw a guy I had sax with years ago in walmart tonight with (i assume) his mother. We hooked up in the back of his parents store, "Discount Dollar."

WOW! I have some clASSy friends.

Text From a Friend

"I've probably lost 10lbs in shit weight tonight."

Text From a Friend

"I love finding porn stars college degrees in my closet."

Text From a Friend

"It's amazing to me when ppl refer to me as "sir" & "ma'am" in the same conservation."

Text From a Friend

"Driving to the airport is almost as bad as unexpectedly showing up at a orgy and partaking in it!"