Oops

I was streetwalking down memory lane and found this gem.

Ladies and Gentlemen... Pej.

Pej is a lady of the night that I see out every time I go out to the clubs, and every time he comes up to me and asks, "Matthew Robert! Social Intercourse! When am I gonna be on your bleg?" Well here you go, Pej. You asked for it.

98% of Pej's Facebook pictures feature him, head tilted to the left, chin up, with duckface. The other 2% of pictures feature him in his underwear. Trust me, the above collage took all of four minutes -- the abundance of these head-tilted-duckface pics are all over his Faceplace.

Pej, I don't know why you only post pics of you in this one pose. You have a great right AND left side of your head -- SHOW US! Otherwise you're just going to look like an asshole who takes the exact same picture over and over.

I hope you enjoy this post, Pej, because I sure don't. (haha jk boo!)

Real-Life "SAW" Meets Hairy Ass

Omfg. Last night at Mickeys was Hot Rod night, which is a night for leather and bondage freaks to come out to play - so naturally, we went.

Check out these assholes, below. The one guy in the ass-less chaps attached clothespins ALL over the masked guy's body. And I mean EVERYWHERE. His nipples, his side fat, his chode - everywhere.

It was like watching a real-life SAW film, but with hairy ass.

Danimal Likes It

What happens on a Sunday night at Mickeys in Weho? Danimal el Animal finger blasts his favorite stripper infront of an entire club. REAL CLASSY!!!!

He also forcibly inserted dollar bills into said stripper's asshole.

ALL DRAG QUEENS - READ THIS!

Thanks to Gigi Monore

I Have Great Friends

I have great friends who send me texts like this at 1:30 am on a Sunday night:

"I just sucked my strippers dick on the floor and fingered his ass and his bf came over and ended it abruptly!"

Perfect Facebook Event Invite

Could I honestly ask God for anything more? 20 HOT JOCK COCK DANCERS?! Lube wrestling? Free booze? Porn stars? Pythons? KINK?! YES PLZ!

I will definitely try to make it to Mickey's tomorrow in West Hollywood.

Happy Halloween, Asshole!

My girl Jenna took this truly stunning photograph of some asshole dressed as a sailor sitting at a table in the open window of Trunks (shitty daddy bar in WeHo) on Halloween. Notice the bystander's worried expressions - what's the matter, you may ask? Mr. Sailor just puked all over the table and is passed out. GOOD TIMES!

Thanks Jenna!

My Girlfriend Daniel is a Very Respectable Lady!

My girlfriend Daniel is a very respectable young lady with UPSTANDING morals. I'm very proud of her. For example, see his very Christian response to a recent Grindr proposition from a gentleman caller.

Also, here is a picture of Daniel at a popular L.A. nightclub. See how respectable she is? Clearly she is not under the influence of alcohol AND is turning her head away from a giant, monster cock that she COULD have all up in her face.

Thats my girl!

HAHAH LOVE YA, DANIEL!

The Greatest Ad EVER For a Nightclub

Wednesday Nights Are Looking *UP* at Here Lounge...

I DON'T WANNA SEE THAT!

The other night at Mickey's, this asshole was spotted walking around with his flabby asshole hanging out. Look at how his butt cheeks flap down like two pancakes, trying their best to hide his bacon hole. What.A.Disaster.

After spotting Prince Charming here, I made my way into the bathroom to mail a package. Like most bathrooms in L.A. nightclubs, there is a bathroom attendant who brings in a whole shit-load of crap for you to use in exchange for a tip. Well this attendant brought a product that should never see the light of a disco ball - LA LOOKS MEGA MEGA HOLD HAIR GEL.

LoL! I'd hate to see the rat's nest that uses this crap.

BIG FAT DICK

lol I took this pic of the door guy at Fu Bar last Thursday night in WeHo. It was Big Fat Dick Night. Need I explain more?

House of Work

Last night I went up to a random guy and decided to strike up a conversation with him at House of Work. For me to go up to a hot guy I don't know, is a pretty good indicator that I've downed about 8-12 vodkas in the short amount of time leading up to that moment.

So I go up to the guy and say, "Hey what's up?"

"Looking for drugs," replied the hot guy.

I take a moment to let the sink in and responded, "Cool." LOL okay what to say to that?

I also took a picture with the gorgeous Billy Francesca, who I blogged about last week! What a treat! And no, it was not this lovely lady who made the drug comment. I couldn't remember anything from that point on if I wanted to.

Happy Anniversary, Ravens!

Ravens is the best bar in my hometown of Appleton, Wisconsin and I cannot wait to come see Jared and Willie and everyone when I come home to visit this summer!

Congratulations on three amazing years! That's longer than most straight couples stay married before affairs or divorce!

"Just 3 short years ago a Gay (or as I prefer, "Progressive") bar opened up on College Ave in Downtown Appleton and the idea was laughed at and thought only to fail.

Today we host Drag Shows, Theme Parties, Karaoke, and week in and week out good times for not only the area's LGBT people but our allies and family. We are proud to take a firm stance in the middle of downtown Appleton and let the Valley know that we are here to stay and that we deserve acceptance."

PERFECTION!!!!

I LITERALLY just threw up my Fiber One (fart noise) cereal back into the bowl because I laughed so hard when I saw this picture. I don't know who this jewel of the Nile is, but apparently he goes by Billy Francesca and co-host House of Work at Ultra Suede Wednesday nights in WeHo.

I can not get enough of this classic beauty queen. Move over Princess Diana, there's a new bitch in town!