"Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me"

Chelsea Handler is set to release her fourth book, "Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me," on May 10th, 2011! Rejoice!

But here is the twist... the book is not written by Chelsea, but rather by her "family, friends and other victims." Hahaha can't wait!

My Parents Read Me This Book Every Night

Thanks to Dan for sending this in!

The Only Book You'll Ever Need to Buy Your Kids

via the antipodean homo

Are you effing me?

This is an actual section in a Barnes & Noble store -- what the fek?

via geekologie

This Book Looks Awesome, also Helpful

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang - Review

Over the last two years, Chelsea Handler has secured her spot among my favorite women in the world. Rounding out the top 9 include my mom, Britney Spears, Kathy Griffin, Sarah Silverman, Valerie Charish (played by Lisa Kudrow), Jerri Blank (played by Amy Sedaris), Deputy Trudy Wiegel (played by Kerri Kenny-Silver), and my two cats, Frostie and Sassy Pants. Three of the women on that list are not real and two are not human, but that's besides the point. The point is... what was the point again?

I found out about this book a few months ago when I was front row at a taping of 'Chelsea Lately,' in which she signed "To my gay, Matthew!" in the front of my book and told me about her upcoming release. I almost shit in my pants I got so excited, which Chelsea seemed to really enjoy.

My only complaint about 'Chelsea Chelsea, Bang Bang' is that it seems a little too short. It's not that much shorter than her last book, 'Are You There Vodka, It's Me, Chelsea,' but I believe it could have used a few more chapters.

I read this book in only one week (while laying out at the pool after getting brutalized by my trainer at the gym), which for me, was a pretty fast read. I have the same reading level as a special needs student in second grade, so I was pretty surprised by how fast I blew through this baby. It was pretty hard to put down, though.

The book, as are all three of her books, is compromised of short, hilarious but true stories from her life. Chapter 1, "The Feeling," was about how she discovered masturbation in third grade and insensately rubs her kitten for a year straight, which is something I can really relate too. The chapter "Water Olympics" was hysterical as was the chapter "Black on Black Crime." I don't want to give away too much, but it was very funny and I often was LOLing at the pool, which I'm sure caused everyone around me to think I was retarded.

**** out of *****

A must read, says Matthew Robert!

I will end this review with my favorite quote from the book, which coincidentally is from the last chapter...

"Can you believe how stupid everyone is?"

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang!

Tomorrow! Chelsea's new book comes out tomorrow! I pre-ordered it online and should be receiving it tomorrow. I have never been so excited for a book to come out. EHHAHAHAHAHHAHASHSHSPPAHHSSHSHSHKJHKHZ!

In middle school, I would buy the new Fear Street book by R.L. Stine every month on it's release date, but those books dropped once a month and were by no means filled with sexual exploits, drunken comedic tails and stories of real assholes. Can't wait! Review to follow...

UPDATE:

I just read the first chapter of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang and omg - hysterical. I was LOLing in my hot tub. First chapter, "The Feeling," was all about how she discovered petting her kitten in 3rd grade and did it non stop for 1 year. I can relate. A full review to follow after I finish the entire book.

BUY IT NOW ON HARDCOVER. Don't wait for Paperback, it's for poor people.

Dewey Readmore Books

I have said it before on this blog and I will say it again. I am not a crazy cat lady. I just so happen to really like them, that's all.

I just finished reading the true story, 'Dewey,' of a small-town library who, on the coldest winter morning, find a baby kitten in their metal book drop box, nearly frozen to death. The cat, Dewey Readmore Books, ends up living in the library for the next nineteen years and helps change the town of Spencer, Iowa and truly touches the world.

If you love cats, this book is truly a must read. I was crying so hysterically at the end that I had to leave my poolside chair and retreat back to my apartment to finish off the last few pages. Such a touching story!

If you're illiterate, you can watch this YouTube video below which basically sums up the story.

I will end this post with a great quote from the last chapter of the book.

"Find your place. Be happy with what you have. Treat everyone well. Live a good life. It isn't about material things; it's about love. And you can never anticipate love." - Vicki Myron, Author