Shane Ashton Covers Britney Spears "Hold It Against Me" #Dance4Britney X-Factor

Check out Shane Ashton performing "Hold It Against Me" live on The Miller Lite Main Stage at Milwaukee PrideFest 2012 with The Sexy Six!

Introducing... The Most Boring Gay in The World!

Recently, my BFF Shane Ashton received a Facebook friend request from some random gay from up in the middle of Nowheresville, Wisconsin. Like literally, this guy lives in the middle of nowhere. Probably a town of 300 people and likely, no other gay people.

Thankfully, Shane had me look at his Facebook page because he posts the most unintentionally hilarious status updates.

Every one of his status updates details how boring of a life he lives. I..... can't get enough. It's just so pathetic and sad. I just wanna scream at him and shake him, "WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOUR BORING LIFE?! GET THE FEK OUT OF YOUR HOUSE!!!!!"

Please enjoy a few of the best-worst status updates below and thank God that you don't like a life this boring!

• GOING TO BE A LONG BORING WEEKEND HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYS THEM SELFS!!!

• well thinking have a cook out and watch movies alone again like last weekend....lmao fun fun\n FML

• OF COURSE ITS GOING TOBE BEAUTIFUL OUT WHEN YOU DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO!!!

• OMG...Sitting in my house on a saturday rearranging plants, all alone. how lame am I....!!!

• ANOTHER BORING NIGHT AT HOME!! DRINK ONE FOR ME ALL!!!

• LMAO THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL HOMELAND SECURITY: WHEN YOU SIT AT SOMEONES HOUSE AND DO THE SAME THING EVERY WEEKEND! BORING........

• BOOOORRRRRING

• im so bored with this life whens the next one start! lol

• MY LIFE BE LIKE BOOOOORRRRRING!!!!!

LOL ok, this guy seriously could post more exciting posts, even if they are lies, but it seems as though he wants people to feel sorry for him. Eesh! Sorry about it.

'Circus' Acoustic by Shane A

Shane A Sings "You Lost Me"

By Christina Aguilera, but dare I say better?

#RealLife

Shane A (while bored as hell at work) drew this magnificent picture of a sad clown, which really depicts the raw emotions of my everyday life.

Completely Aggressive Reply to Spam from Shane A

Shane A's completely aggressive approach to ward off spammers (and to life in general) seems to have worked! Well, worked this time at least.

"NO I DON'T YA SON OF A BETCH!"

My #1 lamb, Shane A, got a spam text message and sent back a real anger-fueled response, which I posted here for your enjoyment.

lol

Tis The Season

Christmas card from a couple of assholes.

Classic Watercooler Moment With Shane A

Resident bff Shane A and I share a laugh about God knows while what on the floor (as per usual) with several cocktails (also as per usual). God love 'em!

Deep Thoughts by Matthew

Resident BFF and beautiful songstress, Shane A, told me this great story by one of his older, female coworkers. Nothing says "Midwest" more than this! Hahaha

"Every New Year's Eve we just stay at home, but we really go all out. We play music real loud, dress up in costumes and have drinks. It's just us and the cats, but let me tell you... we party!"

Passive Aggressive Note Time!

Thanks to Shane A in Milwaukee for sending this in!

Shane A - 'Cry Me a River' Live in Milrockee

The money shot is at 1:48 -- great!

World PREMIER! Shane A's "Haunted"

Very spooky! Just in time for Halloween.

"Haunted" by Shane A. Song, Lyrics, Vocals & Vocal Production by Shane A. Music: Theme from "Requiem for a Dream"

A Voicemail Between Friends

From Matt to Shane, with love.

Cry Me a River, Dick-Face.

Our #1 gal has done it again! This time around, Shane A has recorded a smashing cover to JT's clASSic hit, 'Cry Me A River,' and we love it!

I was never a huge fan of the original, but I am living for this cover! Congrats Shane A! One small step closer in the right direction of not failing!

I DO WANNA HEAR THAT!

Fat Bottom Special

Thanks to my bff Shane A for telling me about his cousin's band, located in northern Wisconsin. Obviously, the band is compromised of a couple of straight dudes who probably like fat, cellar dwelling chicks with huge asses.

However, the band's name, Fat Bottom Special, means a whole phuking different thing in Gay.

Basically it means a guy who is obese who likes to get phuked in his butt for a discounted price. Brilliant.

'HeartBeat' World Premier

Here's the new record from Shane A titled "HeartBeat." I've gotta say that I'm really eating this one, socialites. Enjoy.

Passive Aggressive Note Time - Yay!

Check out this beaut sent in all the way from MilROCKee.

Coming Home After a Few...

A sneak peak into a night with Shane A. Typical.

"I'm Covered in Piss, Man!"

Resident bff and beautiful songstress Shane A received this call today from a man trying to get ahold of an attorney at the agency he works for:

"I slipped and fell in a Wal-Mart bathroom. I'm covered in piss, man! I hurt ma-fuckin' self!"

Well, that certainly painted a lovely picture. Heck, if it were that easy to sue Wal-Mart and win, I would even throw myself down in one of their fecal-infested bathrooms. Sorry for your loss.