Here 10 scary childbirth facts that I had no idea about, for the most part. Eesh! Sooo glad I'm ghey and don't have a V!via thefrisky
You might poop yourself during labor when the baby is coming out. Oh yeah, and shake and puke too. Fun! There is an entire industry that makes Kegel fitness equipment for your vag, so you can get it back in shape after you’ve had the baby. If you thought the gym was annoying, try lifting a steel rod with your hoo-ha. It is totally standard for a doc to cut your vag before it tears in childbirth with a procedure called an episiotomy. Although it’s not used 100% of the time anymore, some docs still opt to slit it first, before the baby does. Thanks? Stretch marks stay with you for life. Cocoa butter helps, but you’ll still bear the scars of indulging your baby fever. Hospital bills are expensive. It’s not just about coming up with dough for diapers and formula. Popping one out isn’t just painful for you, it really hurts your bank account too. After birth, there’s the afterbirth. Just when you think all the crap, er, baby, has come out, a wad of placenta slimes its way down the old vag track. You have to give up booze, coffee, pills, basically anything you saw on“Absolutely Fabulous,” for nine whole months. And let’s face it: booze is what got you preggers in the first place! Now you have to have sober sex for almost a year. Sure you’ll get to shop for a bunch of new clothes, but they’ll have an elastic waistband, just like your Grandma’s jogging pants. Nobody’s butt looks good in those things. Postpartum depression is a major bummer. As if the hormones weren’t driving you nuts already, once you start showing, all people will want to talk to you about is when you’re due. And then they’ll talk your ear off about their experience. Boring!
