Shit My Dad Says

“It’s Los Angeles, son. It’s the epicenter of the asshole earthquake. They’d fuck you twice if they had another dick.”

So true.

via twitter

Shit My Dad Says

"I don't get it; I sweat, I smell fine. You sweat, you smell like mule shit...Relax, she's on the treadmill next to you, she knows."

via twitter

Shit My Dad Says

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."

Words to live by, if you ask me.

via twitter.com/shitmydadsays