Danimal Likes It

What happens on a Sunday night at Mickeys in Weho? Danimal el Animal finger blasts his favorite stripper infront of an entire club. REAL CLASSY!!!!

He also forcibly inserted dollar bills into said stripper's asshole.

Once in a Lifetime Chat Roulette Experience!

If you haven't gone to chatroulette.com yet, don't. It is a website that connects you via web cam to another random stranger somewhere in the world. This stranger will likely, based on my 2 experiences on the site, be a group of tween girls or boys making fun of you or a guy whacking off - both of which I would like to skip.

Paris Hilton, Perez and Ashton Kutcher have made appearances on there, so now everyone is going on in hopes of randomly being connected a celeb, but the only thing you're going to be connected with is an asshole. Literally.

Thankfully my good gal pal Dan went on chatroulette after bar close tonight with his equally drunk yet capable friend Andrew. They found an obese man "pleasuring" himself with what they thought was a glass dildo. A moment after they were connected the glass dildo broke. That is when they realized it was a glass BOTTEL.

Really? What did he think was going to happen?! Blood started gushing and glass shards starting falling out. BELCH!

I am sure Dan, like she always is, was blacked out, but her friend Andrew took a snapshot of this beautiful scene. This whole incident probably took 10 seconds. The look on Dan's face (in the hat) is PRICELESS!

Happy camming! And please, don't put weird things inside of you, you'll only end up in the ER and embarrassing yourself to death. Goodnight!

To see the uncensored pic, CLICK HERE. Warning: Extremely graphic and NSFW, but it's really funny.

Update: I decided to repost this post 7 months later due to the fact that it is the #1 most popular post here on Social Intercourse. You're welcome.

Happy Fat Tuesday, Assholes

Here is my asshole roommate, Danimal el Animal, celebrating Fat Tuesday with his tit hanging out. Real classy.

The Mardi Gras Back-Alley Street Festival took place last night (which I still feel like shit from btw) and I found it hilarious that the festival (which featured a DJ, loud music, gogo boys, illicit drug use and loud noise in general) took place on a residential street with a posted QUIET ZONE sign.

Drunk Baby Trashes Las Palmas Bar

Apparently, this brilliant video is a trailer for a movie titled, "Las Palmas," but if you ask me, this looks like hidden camera footage of my roommate Danimal or bff Brandon Rolph.

Friend Craps His Pants at The Bar

I secretly recorded a video of Teddy explaining how our friend crapped in his pants at the bar. It happens to the best of us!

p.s. the sound of me laughing at the end is great. It sounds like I'm dying!

Home Improvement Fail

This is what happens when two middle aged homos try fixing up the house.

Worst Facebook Status EVER

Thanks to Danimal for sending me this horrendous status update from a girl he went to high school with who still lives in the middle of Bum Fuck Wisconsin. Check out the status below -- all grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors have not been altered. This status was copied AS IS.

"Had fun ice fishing my 5 yr old nephew kicked my butt w hs 9 and half inch blue gill!! Playin sme wii and drinkin-goi to c dad 2nte 4 new yrs"

Aannnndddd..... She's Out Cold.

One of my two pig-bottom roommates, Danimal el animal, passed out mid sip while watching a movie recently.

Apparently, all that tipping of the box of wine really wore the poor guy out! Rest up, Danimal, I have a feeling you're going to need it.

Grindr Message of The Day!

Thanks to one of my dearest friends for sending me this romantic message he received on Grindr the other night at 2:42 a.m. -- perfect time to look for a husband, if you ask me!

"Have a load in me right now if u wanna use it as lube."

Que romantico!

It is probably a good thing that I don't have an iPhone and the Grindr app, because lets face it; I would be on the damn thing ALL THE TIME. Wether at church, the gym or the free clinic, I would always be busy.

Deep Thoughts by Matthew

If anyone wants to come over and hookup with my roommate Daniel Kyle, he has an extra 5R parking pass he is willing to trade for a hot piece. I also have a few extra pieces of lasagna you can have, so it's really a win-win situation.

"I Eat at Perkins 3 Times a Week."

A walk home from the bars starring Danimal y Mataeo.

"She has $13 in her pocket!"

While I was simply trying to eat some pizza like a good, Christian woman, Danimal was drunk off his asshole repeatedly telling a homeless man that Teddy has $13 in her pocket.

SLUT HOLE

Thanks to my future roomie Danimal for sending in this beautiful a-hole shot of "SLUT HOLE" in Minneapolis, MN tonight via Grindr. Good Times!

I don't wanna see that! BLAUURRGGPPHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!