"I've Recently Learned Something About Self-Respect: I Don't Have Any."

-Jerri Blank, "Strangers With Candy."

Yes.

"I'M DEENA NICOLE, BEING A GREMLIN IS A WAY OF LIFE!"

I haven't even watched the new season of "Jersey Shore" yet, but I can already tell the the new cast member is a full-on gremlin.

via but youre like really pretty

Jimmy Kimmel Presents "This Year in Unnecessary Censorship"

The Shit-List New York

I have been wanting to see a shitty, gay reality show for a long time, and my nightmare has finally come true. 'The A-List' premiers October 4th on Logo, but based on the trailer below, it looks to be a real shit fest. I'm sure it will be entertaining and a guilty pleasure to watch these asshole try to make themselves look as fabulous and as much unlike who they naturally are.

Earlier today on Facebook, star of 'The Shit-List,' Reichen Lehmkuhl posted the following message below and also received the following two messages. He deleted those messages, but luckily, I still had them in my phone! I've met Reichen briefly, but from what I can tell, and also from the promo, he seems to be the only one of these gays who is not an asshole.

Check out the two hilarious comments below and don't forget to check out 'The Shit-List' next week on Logo! I'm sure I probably (and regrettably) will!

Reichen Lehmkuhl: Umm wow, you can download Episode 1 of "The A-List New York" on iTunes as of TODAY for $1.99. If you watch it, let me know what you think!

John: youre a great person, but.... this show is going to set back the gay civial rights movement 20 years based on the promos.... i hope the show is more balanced and not as vapid and shallow as it appears.

Craig: I wish I could say something wonderful about this show Reichen but after seeing multiple clips, to me bottom-line is it is just an embarrassment

Watch Gay Video & Lesbian Movies

Literally. No, Wait... Literally.

Judge Judy Wants YOU! Well No Actually, She Wants Kyle.

Check out this great letter my friend Kyle S. got from a Judge Judy producer! Ha! I say, do it Kyle!

'Toddlers & Tiaras' -- Teaching Life's Lesions

Courtesy of Shane A comes this still from an episode of TLC's compelling series, 'Toddlers & Tiaras.' In this very heartwarming episode, a mother places a pillow that reads, "Today was a Complete Waste of Makeup" on her child's bed.

What an amazing mother and also, what a moto for life!

The Only Good Ke$ha Video You'll Ever See

The Simpsons' took the whorrendous song "Tik Tok" by That Bitch Who Can't Sing Nor Perform and turned it into a pretty sweet opening for their show.

New Blanket Blocks Farts In Bed - Let 'em Rip

The Better Marriage Blanket is a new blanket that traps and kills fart smells so your spouse or trick will not be revolted by your rotting asshole; unless their head is under the blanket, in which case they will suffocate and die instantly.

It uses the same technology that the military uses to protect against chemical weapons.

I share a bed with my roommate (yea, I know) and let me tell you, sometimes I think a chemical weapon was released right there in my room. The smell of a rotting fetus that has been left in the hot sun for several days, seeping up from under the covers if enough to make me go in the other room and watch Hannah Montana .

It also makes a great anniversary gift, if you're married to a 300 pound monster who can't go a night without gassing you out.

Lovespring International

"Everybody needs makeup, especially you."

The above is one of the greatest quotes of all time, as spoken by "Tiffany," the ditzy receptionist on one of my recently discovered favorite shows, Lovespring International.

It's a great show that apparently ran on Lifetime (of all random networks) a few years back, but I just discovered that you can view it all for free on their website - find the link below.

Lovespring is a fake reality show (think The Office) that follows the inept staff of an elite Beverly Hills dating service, only it's not located in Beverly HIlls, it's in the Valley. lol.

It stars some of my most favorite comedians such as Jack Plotnick, who played woman Evie Harris in Girls Will Be Girls and several characters on Reno 911. Wendy McLendon-Covey, who played the buxom deputy on Reno 911. The hysterical Jennifer Elise Cox from my favorite episode of The Comeback, but also played Jan Brady in The Brady Bunch Movie. Lastly, the amazing Jane Lynch plays the founder of Lovespring. I have adored Jane for years, but most recently people love her as the gym teacher from Gay. I mean Glee.

Eric McCormack, Will and Grace, serves as Executive Producer and RIchard Day, Girls Will Be Girls director, serves as Director of Lovespring. Pretty much every episode has a special guest star, ranging from Sean Hayes to Alanis Morissette.

I highly recommend you check out an episode or thirteen!

http://www.mylifetime.com/shows/lovespring-international/full-episodes-season-1/video

Sneaky Gays

"Homosexuals so flaming, they can be seen from outer space."

K-Fat Tries To Shed Some Kilos

Fat Bastard is on the new season of some show called Celebrity Fat Club - or Fit Club or something. I don't know, I've never seen it. I'm sure it's on VH1 or Bravo or CMT, so make sure to not set your DVRs.

I wouldn't have had a problem with him if he didn't turn Britney fat and lazy. At least she got her shit together. This one look like a fuking humpback whale.

image via PinkIsTheNewBlog